I Watched Freddy Got Fingered Last Night

A couple of my friends have been telling me to watch Freddy Got Fingered for years, and, after watching it last night, I’ve officially decided that they must hate me. It was like a nightmare acid trip that never seemed to end…imagine if Tom Green got to release his version that was 2 hours. It was so outrageous that the only way I could possibly digest what I had just watched was to leave my first ever review on IMDb. I typed it out below.

Tom Green is so viciously unfunny that I think he might actually be classified as funny. Aside from the scenes of the kid getting beat up and then destroyed by that airplane, there was not a single part of this movie that made me actively laugh without first exhaustedly sighing. Yet I still found myself to be transfixed by what I was watching. Not quite like watching a train wreck. It was more like watching your brother be torn apart limb by limb while Kevin Federline’s “Playing With Fire” blared in the background. Even Shaq’s 30 seconds were so unfunny that I felt myself wishing him off the screen. But, again, I couldn’t look away.

I think that is the genius of Tom Green. Everything he does is so decidedly unfunny that you are forced to continue to watch. He is playing a cartoon character that has woken up in a world where everybody except his very sane father completely accept him. As Tommy Lee Jones once said to Jim Carrey, I felt like I could no longer sanction the buffoonery of this movie from the moment it started, but still, I pressed on. I made it through the scene with the deer, the scene with the horse, and the scene with the elephant. I made it through the baby delivery and the most outrageous brother subplot in any movie ever made. And why did I do this? I have no idea. Should you consider doing this to yourself? To that, I also have no idea. I hated this movie more than anything I’ve watched since the Adam Sandler classic Jack and Jill, but I can’t seem to get myself to tell people to avoid it. I think you just have to find out for yourself.

I don’t know what, if anything, that review does for you, but I am trying to get my thoughts out in as many places as possible so I can detox my mind from this filth. I’ll be talking about it tonight on The Wicker Men podcast too, so if you’re interested give us a follow and listen to all of our other episodes where we talk about Nic Cage movies and Action Jackson. If you’re not interested, well…just watch this trailer I guess and decide whether or not you want to infect your brain with this nonsense.